Every year, November is recognised as adoption awareness month. It is especially important for India because India has 11 million abandoned children but fewer than 4,000 adoptions per year. This requires a twofold solution. First, India’s laws and their implementation need to keep improving to ensure that all vulnerable children come into the legal adoption pool, and second, more and more Indians need to be open to the idea of adoption so that every child awaiting adoption finds a home.

Adoption is not new to the Indian context. Our religion, history, and culture are ripe with examples of positive and loving adoptions, yet the act is still associated with infertility and seen by many as the last choice. However, this does not represent all adoptive families. For many families, adoption is the first choice. This November, I am sharing the stories of three families, including mine, who have chosen adoption as the primary path to parenthood.

My husband and I adopted our daughters when they were 8 months old and 3-½ years old respectively. With each adoption, we were overjoyed about our daughter coming home, and their age was not a primary concern for us. Unfortunately, prospective parents considering adoption often get fixated on this point and ask me if it was tough adopting an “older” child.

This question makes me uncomfortable because labelling young children “older” just because they are not infants is incorrect and tragic — this mindset in the adoption framework means that as soon as a child turns 2 years old, her/his chances of adoption drop significantly. It is as joyful to adopt a young child as it is to adopt a baby. To my amazement, I realised that it was easier for my 3-1/2-year-old daughter to bond because she was waiting for a family and was keen to feel safe and loved. The bonding process happened within a few weeks and was much faster than I had anticipated.

Before I embarked on the adoption journey, a good friend told me that I should be prepared for the fact that the child may be malnourished or show other physical symptoms of institutional living, and that all of it changes very quickly once the child comes home. I experienced this with both my daughters. Within a few weeks after coming home, they looked healthier and started becoming stronger. What I didn’t expect was how their personalities transformed. Each of them was described as a shy, quiet child by the children’s shelters and they were serious, watchful kids when they came home. However, they soon evolved into funny, loud, strong-willed and active girls. It was almost as if their real self-had been hiding until they found a family.

Kavita and Himanshu adopted their daughter when she was 15 months old.

They specifically wanted to adopt a child with Down syndrome because they believed that no child should be left alone without a family, even those who require extra care. It was easy for them to make a decision, but dealing with family reactions was a completely separate matter.

Their parents were hesitant about the idea of adoption itself, but adopting a child with Down syndrome was unimaginable. Kavita and Himanshu were told that they were taking a risk because a child with Down syndrome will be unable to support them when they get old, but they proceeded with the process, against all opposition. There is no waiting time in India for parents who choose to adopt a child with special needs, so they soon found their baby, a lovely girl in Bhopal who was abandoned when she was 6 months old. Their first meeting with her is one of the most memorable moments of their life when they held the tiny baby with a gorgeous smile and beautiful eyes.

Their daughter had not received any early intervention, leading to developmental delays and lack of gross and fine motor skills, but with physiotherapy and occupational therapy, she is showing tremendous progress. Everyone who meets Kavita and Himanshu thinks they are an extraordinary couple, but they feel that providing their daughter a good environment and happy life is the least they can do.

Ayesha* and Varun* are parents to their 3-year-old biological son and are choosing to adopt their second child, a daughter. They were keen to adopt for several years and kicked off the adoption process as soon as they felt that their son was old enough to understand the concept of a sibling. They are currently waiting to be matched with their daughter and are determined to raise both their children with lots of love and equal opportunities.

Ayesha and Varun have received support for their decision but have also faced some misinformed questions about adoption. Ayesha has been asked whether she will love both children equally, whether she is concerned about the adoption impacting her son, and what if the adopted child fights with her son.

Ayesha is a strong woman, and has been able to tackle these questions with ease.

Her standard reply starts with “do you ask this question to parents with two biological children?” Then she explains that yes, she will love both children equally because she will be their mother irrespective of whether she has given birth or adopted.

She is looking forward to the positive impact of adoption on her son because it is like giving birth to another child where she will make sure that her son understands the concept of family and sharing, and is part of all the excitement and preparations. Lastly, she believes that the upbringing that she and her husband will give their children will determine how they choose to behave with each other. Ayesha touches an obvious truth when she says, “When one cannot guarantee perfection and a life sans of obstacles with a family you inherit through your bloodline, why do these questions and predicaments arise when we talk about adoption.”

Adoption is as fortunate a connection between parents and children as birth or any other path to parenthood. For the sake of the 11 million children in India waiting for a mother and a father, we need to start recognising adoption as the happy and positive choice that it is.

*Names changed because Ayesha and Varun would like to maintain some privacy until their daughter comes home.
**The author is an adoption activist who has been in the weeds of the Indian adoption system, and is working to make adoption more mainstream in India.

(Written by Smriti Gupta)

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More than 50 percent of children awaiting adoption in India fall into the ‘special needs’ category, but it is also the category with the least number of adoptions within India. One of the reasons for this gap is a lack of understanding of special needs and the adoption process. Slowly though, more people are becoming aware that children with special needs grow beautifully and thrive in a loving and supportive home environment. If you are considering or just curious about adopting a child with special needs, here is everything you need to know.

The adoption process in India puts children into two categories — normal needs and special needs — where special needs are the catch-all for all children except those who have perfect health. Even children with minor health issues, correctable health issues, health conditions that can be easily managed or have no bearing on the quality of life also get categorised as special needs children.

Many of the children in the special needs category just need the necessary medical diagnosis and support to become healthy and active, but this support is not available to them unless they get adopted into a family.

There is a separate category for children with special needs, because of the expectations of some prospective adoptive parents. Adoption agencies need to categorise the children carefully. If prospective parents want a ‘normal’ child but get the referral of a child who may have ‘special needs’, they can reject the child and file a complaint with the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA). This means that the child loses valuable time during which another loving family could have adopted him/her.

Also Read: Here Are 3 Unique Stories That Will Change the Way You Think About Adoption

The adoption process is the same for all children irrespective of their category —

1. Prospective parents register with the centralised authority in India and indicate their preference about child’s gender, age, location, and health. Parents who are willing to adopt children with special needs can make the appropriate selection under ‘health’.
2. After a social worker completes the home study process, which evaluates parents’ willingness and capacity to adopt, the parents wait for a child to be referred to them. There is no waiting period for parents who want a child with special needs because the number of children available is higher than the number of prospective parents.
3. There is an additional helpful feature for children with special needs. Even if potential parents select ‘normal’ health as their preference, they can see the list of children with needs who are awaiting adoption. This means that people who were initially unaware of special needs can potentially change their mind and accept a special needs child. (Similarly, there is a list of children available for immediate placement. These are children who have been awaiting adoption for a long time).
4. After accepting a child, the parents’ bring their child home under a foster care agreement. The adoption agency responsible for the child requests a hearing and the final court order completes the process.

As an adoptive mother of a child with special needs, my most significant discovery has been that all types of special needs get stereotyped as problematic. However, it is more about understanding what the child exactly needs and providing the right support. It’s not any different than raising a child who doesn’t have special needs, whether biological or adopted.

Children respond very positively to a family environment, thus significantly and quickly improving on whichever condition they may have, once they come home.

Whenever I talk to social workers who work in the adoption space, they seem resigned to the idea that children with special needs will either never get adopted or only get adopted by foreigners. This does not reflect kindly on us. Special needs include a wide range of children and many people in India can support most of the requirements in this range. Being open to special needs allows us to accept the love of a child who is as brilliant, unique, and deserving as all children.

(Written by Smriti Gupta)

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The case of a 10-year-old rape victim from Chandigarh, impregnated by her uncle, had shocked the nation earlier this year, and also made international headlines. While her parents petitioned for her to be allowed to have an abortion, the Supreme Court rejected the plea since her pregnancy was discovered when she was 30 weeks pregnant, and the abortion would have put her life in danger.

Both the uncles of the girl were sentenced to life imprisonment by a fast-track trial in a special court when they were found guilty.

The police were claiming that the elder uncle had impregnated the child, but a DNA test revealed that in fact, the younger one was the father of the then unborn child.

On 17 August, the victim gave birth to a baby girl. According to a report by The Hindu, the father of the rape-victim has requested the hospital to keep the pregnancy a secret from the mother, and also asked them to hand over the baby for adoption.

A couple from Maharashtra has now adopted the toddler and promised her a new, loving life. The couple found the baby on the Central Adoption Resource Authority’s website, and it carried all the necessary details of the baby.

The details of the couple are not revealed under a confidentiality clause and also to ensure security to the new-born. However, Hindustan Times reports that the baby has been adopted by a caring and well-to-do family.

While the paperwork to complete the adoption process is still underway, Sangeeta Vardhan, the chairman of the Child Welfare Committee says that the pre-adoption undertaking has been signed and formalities have been completed. She also laid to rest the rumours of a foreign couple adopting the baby.

This is certainly a fresh turn in the life of the newborn. We hope it brings a positive change in the life of its mother as well.

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Adoption may start as a decision made by prospective parents, but like all paths to parenthood, it is ultimately about the child.

Irrespective of the reason to adopt, a successful and happy adoption requires that parents put the welfare of the child first, do not treat it as a selection process, and lovingly accept the child that comes into their life.

At the same time, the formal adoption process should be structured in a way that it respects the children awaiting adoption and does not accommodate prospective parents at the cost of treating the children in an unfair manner.

Also Read: Parents-To-Be: Here Are 9 Things That Will Help You Adopt a Child

Here are five positive changes from the past year, among many others, that continue the make the adoption process in India more child-centric.

1) Only one child is referred at a time

After prospective adoptive parents (PAPs) complete the required paperwork and home study, they are ready to receive referrals of children awaiting adoption based on the criteria specified by the PAPs.

In the early days of the online centralised adoption process, PAPs could receive multiple child referrals at the same time. This meant that the PAPs could compare children, wrongly amplifying the notion of selecting a child.

Moreover, while the PAPs thought about the referrals (within a time-bound window), the children were blocked and couldn’t be referred to another family.

The process has now been changed to PAPs receiving a referral of only one child at a time, reminding the PAPs that every child is unique and deserving of a family.

2) A total of 3 child referrals instead of 6

What if a prospective parent keeps rejecting every child that is referred to them? Earlier, a PAP could receive up to six child referrals; this number has now been cut down to three.

If a PAP does not go ahead with adopting a child after three referrals, they have to do their home study with a social worker again. This allows the social worker to understand why the PAPs rejected all referrals, provides an opportunity to counsel the PAPs, and also ascertain whether the PAPs are ready to adopt a child. This change makes sure that PAPs don’t treat adoption as a way to continually judge or select children.

3) The ‘Immediate Placement’ list

Making the adoption process child-centric not only requires a thoughtful approach but also the willingness to address any issues as they come up. Our society has many biases and illogical notions, and unfortunately, some people carry these over into the adoption process, which results in many children going through the referral cycles but not getting adopted.

To ensure that children get noticed by PAPs, who are also committed, the ‘Immediate Placement’ list was introduced.

The list allows PAPs to see all the children who can be adopted immediately. PAPs who adopt a child from the immediate placement list can bring their child home without any waiting time, whereas PAPs with specific criteria have to wait for a referral as per their position in a wait-list.

This change helps children find parents sooner rather than wait forever in the referral cycles, and it also makes the process faster for those parents who are willing to love a child without rigid preferences.

4) Assessment of the parents through a home study report

It is one thing to want a child, but parenting one is an entirely different ball game. In the adoption process, a home study report by a social worker is mandatory for PAPs to become eligible for adopting a child. The home study report, and a questionnaire, now focuses on making PAPs think about and explaining their preparedness for adopting a child, besides just evaluating the PAPs motivation to adopt.

Prospective parents need to explain how they plan to support the child financially and emotionally, how they will introduce the child to their existing children (if any), how they plan to take out time for the child, and so on. This not only helps the social worker make an assessment but helps the parents to ensure that they are putting the need of the child first.

Also Read: Want to Adopt a Child With Special Needs? Here Is All the Information You Need

5) Root search even for children under 18 years of age

It is normal for adoptive children to be curious about their past and the circumstances surrounding their adoption. Some children may want to know more about their biological parents.

India follows a closed adoption model, and no information is given to adoptive parents about the child’s biological parents and vice versa. But the adoption system does recognise the rights of the child to know about their history. Hence, adoptees over 18 years of age can apply for a root search to find out any available information. Now children under 18 years of age can also apply for root search jointly with their adoptive parents.

As mindsets broaden and more and more people choose to adopt, we will hopefully become a more child-centric society regarding adoption. In the meantime, it’s good to know that the Indian adoption system is leading the way in protecting the child.

(Written by Smriti Gupta)

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Owing to her father’s transferable job, Mriidu Khosla (38), an independent filmmaker based out of Mumbai, had switched 11 schools by the time she went to university.

“I’d say it was a culturally-confusing childhood. It was hard for me to make friends, but one thing that kept me going was being onstage. Whether it was writing or performing, art was the only way I could express myself. My parents, though, were conservative and asked me to take up electronics engineering; those four years weren’t the finest of my life. I felt trapped and would skip my classes to attend theatre festivals and workshops instead,” she says.

Following her graduation from Mumbai University in 2005, Mriidu managed to convince her parents to let her pursue a masters degree in filmmaking from the New York Institute of Technology. It was here that she worked her first job on the production team of Literary Living, a TV show that aired on the now-defunct Black Family Channel.

Besides being starry-eyed in the city that finally let her explore a career she was passionate about, what caught her eye was the dignity with which animals were treated here — a stark contrast to the apathy she’d witnessed in India.

“It was just so real and kind. I ended up visiting a lot of shelter homes and spoke to staffers about the animal abuse cases they took in. So many of them were struggling, but they never made it sound difficult. They were happy to be part of a larger mission,” she notes.

Back to Mumbai after her three-year visa expired, Mriidu was inspired to adopt her first pet in 2008 — a five-year-old stray cat with a hernia. “Maximus was hit by a stick or kicked in the stomach — the veterinarian said it was a case of animal cruelty. Unfortunately, she couldn’t make it through her surgery. The loss was too much to fathom, but it made me realise that there are too many felines who are not only prone to being abused but also left to fend for themselves on the street,” she adds.

So in 2010, when Mridu founded Zycpher — a creative agency that creates digital content and films for e-commerce platforms and fashion brands — its workspace also served as a home to scores of abandoned felines in the city.

It was only in 2015, however, that she co-founded the Cat Café Studio, with her sister Charu Khosla (36) and Jason Moss (35), a batchmate and friend from her NIT days, as a social enterprise to exclusively cater to their needs. Over the past decade, she says, the trio has not only been able to find new homes for more than 2,000 rescued cats but also helped provide medical assistance to over 10,000 of them.

A Paradise for Cats

Located on the ground floor of a one-storey bungalow in Aram Nagar, Versova, the Cat Café Studio offers its visitors a tasteful selection of beverages and snacks with the opportunity to interact with Tao, Otis, Sourdough, Tikka, Noor, Daze, Krispy and Nugget — a few of their 30 resident cats.

Unlike other animal cafés though, people can give these felines a permanent home.

“The dining area is your typical coffee shop, frequented by a lot of writers, journalists and artists who like to work out of here. But when they buy a cake or a milkshake at Cat Café Studio, they know it’s going towards a good cause. Besides sustaining operations, all proceeds from our sales go towards sponsoring the food, medication and surgeries for our resident cats,” Mriidu tells The Better India.

The separated cat ‘paradise’ section, as Mriidu calls it, has low-level seating to enable better interaction between visitors and the playful felines. It was only in September last year that the Café resumed its operations after being shut for 15 months in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. Since then, visits to the cat area have been chargeable by the hour, at Rs 200 per person.

“These funds go a long way in ensuring our cats get the care they deserve. We do have a few kittens, but our focus has always been on housing senior and vulnerable cats with special needs, whether that involves physical disabilities, blindness or trauma-induced behavioural issues. They can’t go back to living on the streets, and you’ll realise why when you come here to interact with them,” she adds.

Mriidu points out that for the same reason, the adoption process at the Cat Café studio is longer and stricter than most animal-welfare organisations.

“We have two adoption counsellors who fill in visitors about a particular cat’s medical history. They’re encouraged to spend as much time with the cats as possible. In fact, the more questions they ask us, the keener we are on seeing them as potential adopters,” she explains. “We go the extra mile to ensure that they’re ready to commit for at least 15 years, and what would happen in case they get married or transfer to another city. Only when we’re assured that they know they’re adding another member to the family, do we let the cats go.”

“When it comes to our country, the myths around felines are very harsh. So while Cat Café Studio primarily serves as an adoption centre, we also wanted to create a space where people could simply discover what fascinating creatures they are. Our main objective has always been to project them in a positive light. Even when they’re jumping about and scratching you, it’s not like they’re trying to attack you, this is just how they are!” she says.

Making a Difference

Mriidu says when Charu finished a degree in dentistry from Bapuji Dental College and Hospital, Davangere, in 2011, she wasn’t keen on establishing her practice. The same year, she decided to join her sister as a producer at Zcypher, helping expand its operations from just being a film division to fulfilling photography and design projects. A year later, Jason had also moved to India and joined their team as a cinematographer.

In the past couple of years, Zcypher has built an impressive clientele across various segments, including the likes of Amazon, Tata Cliq, Pantaloons Fabindia, Kay Beaty, GQ and Vogue. But when the trio first started working out of a small studio a decade ago, what set them apart was their collective passion for animals that led them to shelter vulnerable stray cats in Aram Nagar.

“We also fed and took care of dogs in the area, but cats were much easier to accommodate in the limited space we had. We were quite aggressive at the time and constantly got into fights with people who’d throw stones at strays. Some others would spot an injured one but just went about their business. Jason was especially appalled but we never thought that he was trying to say bad things about our country. He was right — here were animals in distress and there was a prominent lack of observation. It made me realise how blinded we can be as a community,” shares Mriidu.

“We were not scared to pick up serious cases where a cat had just been run over and probably had no chances of survival. Amidst our work at Zycpher, we would continually learn about the treatments they needed and give them medication. Charu could help because of her medical background and Jason, too, knew a lot because his mother was a nurse,” she says.

“We started putting out leads on Zcypher social media accounts and interacting with animal feeders and NGOs in the city. Eventually, people started showing up for adoptions. We made a dedicated cat space out of our studio’s terrace and started serving them tea and coffee. My mother also brought in cakes and pastries she’d baked herself. We did it to get people to spend more time with our cats, but it was a good way to impress any potential adopters,” she adds with a laugh.

But the trio soon realised that to ensure the sustenance of their efforts, they needed to establish a separate entity to streamline the adoption process. In 2015, they branded the Cat Café Studio after renting and redesigning a bungalow in the same neighbourhood. Zycpher, too, functions out of the bungalow’s top floor.

“We couldn’t indefinitely rely on Zcypher’s profits to take care of the cats, but another reason why we moved out was that we wanted to create a holistic environment for adoption. At the Cat Café Studio, people understand the felines’ distinctive personalities and make a decision only after they feel connected with them,” she says.

Even as revenue from the Café’s sales helped a great deal in sponsoring the requirements of these cats, says Mriidu, the trio also wanted to set up a dedicated facility that would offer affordable medical assistance to strays across Mumbai.

“The smallest of check-ups at a private veterinary clinic cost at least Rs 500. A lot of the rescued cats were brought to us by people living in chawls and slums, and they definitely can’t keep up with such expenses,” she notes.

Soon after they turned to external funding, the trio received a Rs 9 lakh donation from the Macquarie Group and set up their NGO unit, The Feline Foundation in 2017.

“During our early days, we had got quite close to Dr Hitesh Swali, a veterinarian who ended up heading our medical operations at the Feline Foundation. It took us two years to set up a community clinic in another nearby bungalow, but we now offer consultations and treatments for as low as Rs 150,” she says.

Mriidu points out that the Cat Café Studio is often mistaken to be an NGO, but it only houses rescues from The Feline Foundation. “It’s the veterinarians’ call to determine whether or not the cats are fit enough to go back onto the streets. But if not, they find a home with us,” she says.

Presently, the community clinic at The Feline Foundation has three full-time veterinarians and two veterinarian assistants who not only provide deworming and sterilisation surgeries but also enable the hospitalization of critical cats for as low as Rs 250 per day.

“Our sterilisations are priced at Rs 1,800 for male cats and Rs 2,500 for female cats. This is much lower than procedures at private clinics, which cost up to Rs 12,000. We also have a dedicated ward where people can leave their cats for up to a week after,” she says, adding that the clinic recently crossed 6,000 sterilization surgeries.

“The whole idea was that now a person can even walk with 10 cats and not worry about going broke. What’s more, if you come in with a cat that is in bad shape or even dying, and don’t have a single penny for their treatment, we fundraise the procedural costs on Ketto for you. It might be as small an amount as Rs 7,000, but we’ve met our goals every single time,” she says, adding, “So far, we’ve received funds from all over India. We’ve also received the donations of anaesthesia gas, an X-ray machine and an incubator, which play a crucial role while attending to critical cases.”

Mriidu’s film 32 White (2019), a documentary drama exploring the high suicide rates of dentistry students in India, was received well at international film festivals. She’s presently focusing on funding and releasing her pet project Feeders, a documentary on the hardships faced by women who feed thousands of stray animals across the country.

“Animal feeders played a huge role in helping out with our rescues and treatments. Our team, too, has a long way to go, not just in terms of hopefully opening more adoption centres, but helping change the general perception of animal welfare in the country,” she notes. “For some reason, fighting for animals [rights] takes the lowest precedence, but a lot of people want to help out and don’t know where to get started. I know we can create a much larger difference with collective, well-thought systems.”

For further information, you can contact Cat Café Studio and The Feline Foundation.

Edited by Yoshita Rao

Shubhlakshmi Shukla writes this article titled ‘Narmada panchayat officials don role of orphans’ parent’ in the Indian Express.

In this article, she states that over 100 officials working at the Narmada District Panchayat office have decided to contribute towards the education of 175 orphans in that area. This project is termed as Shanta Sukhai which translates to Self Satisfaction.

Excerpts:

From Monday onwards, all the orphans will be admitted to the district’s 13 grant-in-aid schools. The district office will provide them with the stationary. At present, around Rs 1.75 lakh are collected by the district Panchayat officials.

District Development Officer (DDO) B C Chaudhary said: “Of the 175 children, mostly are in the age group of five to six years and a few are teenagers. One girl, Gita Gadhvi, will be admitted to the first-year BA course. We might also widen the project by providing financial help to the girls for their marriage after they complete their education.”

Read the complete article here.

The Students of Symbiosis Infotech Campus (SIC) have come together to contribute towards providing better quality education for slum children.  The group is called Prayatna and their intention is to enrich the experience that the slum children get from the government run schools that they attend. Preeti Srivastav writes in this article in the Indian Express.

“These children do attend their government-run schools, but they needed that extra looking after to make themselves more competent. We not only take classes for them on our campus but have also got them admitted in a good English medium school for their better education,” says Chauhan, adding, “We have to catch them young as it becomes difficult to shift them from a Hindi or vernacular medium schools to a English medium one.”

The really interesting part is the source of the funds for this activity:

Not neglecting the funds, he said that they were paying Rs 7000 per children to the school, which in turn takes care of all the needs of the children – from fees to books to uniforms. When asked about the source of funds, Chauhan explained that SIC students conduct film festivals and games through which they collect money for the children. They also collect old clothes and books from SIC students. However the noble idea was of alumni adopting the children.

It is truly wonderful that as part of their college activities the students are able to source funds and provide for a better education for the lesser privileged children of our country. We hope that this model will act as a source of inspiration for many other colleges across India to give back something to the society.
And the work just doesn’t seem to stop at providing classroom education, as the article goes on to say:

Apart from the schooling, they also have many activities lined up for the kids.”We bring them to our campus five times a week and give them classes for english, maths, science, personality development, general knowledge and so on. We also take them for games and sports. We show them inspirational documentaries,” says Chauhan.

One of the objectives with which The Better India was started is to spread awareness and create a sense of social contribution amidst our citizens. Hence, for us it is heartening to note that today’s students are already treading this path of spreading welfare! We wish Prayatna all the very best in their ongoing endeavors and look forward to many more school children receiving quality education from SIC and other similar college bodies.

Read the complete article here.

The woman behind the home is Prakash Kaur, who was herself left on the streets as a baby 60 years ago. Since 1993, she has dedicated her life to the noble but onerous mission of rescuing unwanted and unclaimed newborn girls and giving them a secure home and future.

Today, Unique Home for Girls has 60-odd residents who call Prakash Kaur mother. “They are my own children,” the lady says. “They are never made to feel like abandoned children.”

As we walk around the home, it is easy to see that her claim is quite well-founded. Even as her ‘family’ expands and her responsibilities grow, Prakash Kaur’s fount of maternal compassion shows no signs of drying up.

She has touched the lives of many who’ve been cruelly shunned by their own. Siya was only a few hours old when she was found in a drain, wrapped in a black polythene bag. Reva was a newborn when her parents decided to dump her near the highway off Kapurthala. Razia and Rabiya were just a few days old when they were discovered in the fields outside Jalandhar.

These girls have all found shelter in Unique Home, where they now enjoy the real family experience that their pitiless parents chose to deprive them of simply because of their gender. The girls who live here range from the age of four days to 19 years.

Unique Home is run by a trust named after Bhai Ghanayya Ji, a disciple of Guru Gobind Singh. The trust aims to raise these children as healthy individuals and arm them with all the social skills and educational qualifications that they need to face life on their own terms. The girls could not have found a better person than Prakash Kaur for the job of providing them with support and succour.

Most of Unique Home’s inmates arrive here as hapless, barely alive foundlings. So they have no recollections of how they are brought here. But those that have grown up in the life-affirming warmth of this home are proud that they belong here.

Under Prakash Kaur’s care and tutelage, these girls are all well adjusted individuals willing and able to take their rightful place in a society that still seems to harbour a strong aversion to children of their gender.

Prakash Kaur is acutely aware of the challenges that lie before her, but she has faith. “Yeh uparwaale ka kaam hai. Jab ussney yeh zimmedaari di hai to himmat bhi wohi dega. Jab aaj tak mujhe koi mushkil nahin aayee to aagey bhi nahin aayegi. Neki key kaam mein kabhi koi rukawat nahin aati,” she says. She is obviously getting on in years but she still retains the strength to make chapatis for all the inmates of the home three times a day and seven days a week.

The first thing that strikes one in Unique Home is a small hatched box near the entrance. It is called the “cradle”. Flip open the hatch and you see a shelf built into the wall. When a rescued child is placed on the shelf, it sets off an alarm that tells the staff that they have a new girl to take care of. When it comes to christening the new arrivals, names are drawn from all the religions of India. So at Unique Home, girls have Hindu, Muslim and Christian and Sikh names and faith has no restrictions.

Although we visited Unique Home without any prior notice, Prakash Kaur ensured that we were made to feel at home. Not surprising at all coming from a lady who has dedicated her life to dispelling a bit of the darkness that engulfs Punjab, indeed all of India. The girls brought to Unique Home grow up with a sense of belonging. This is the only home they know.

For a home that houses 60-odd girls, the place looks a bit too small. The rather cramped space has limited amenities for the girls, including three small rooms that serve as bedroom, dining area and playroom, in addition to a small kitchen and an office for visitors.

The room that is meant for infants has three big cradles. Each has four to five babies sleeping in them. Unique Home has now acquired a new site and expansion plans are in place.

But living space is the least of the home’s problems for the hearts here are big. This is like a huge family where the older girls take care of the younger ones. We are told by the founder that the girls go to good English medium schools like Saint Mary’s in Mussoorie. A few have since been married into suitable homes. But Prakash Kaur’s responsibility does not end there.

She continues to keep a watch over the girls even after they are married. She fights for their rights if the in-laws prove to be difficult. Take the case of former Unique Home inmate Alka. When her husband died prematurely, her in-laws grabbed all her property and threw her out of the house. Prakash Kaur intervened and fought tooth and nail. She eventually managed to secure for Alka her rightful share in the family property.

So far Prakash Kaur has organised the marriages of 17 of the Unique Home inmates. While a few of these girls graduated from college before they got married, the remaining tied the knot after passing out of high school. However, several of the older girls here have decided not to marry and instead dedicate themselves, like Prakash Kaur, to the service of Unique Home.

April 24 is a very special day at Unique Home. It is the day when the children here collectively celebrate their birthday. A huge 100-kg cake is cut and the day is marked by much merriment. That apart, once every year, during the summer holidays, the inmates of Unique Home go on a trip to Darjeeling.

On our visit to the home, we ate lunch with the children. The food was simple but delicious: rice, chapatis and aloo gobhi. Prakash Kaur made fresh chapatis for all the 60 children.

“We don’t want to give our kids up for adoption. People come to us but we refuse,” says Prakash Kaur. Although she did not give us any specific details, she told us that she knows of many cases in which adopted girls have been ill treated.

Prakash Kaur herself has no idea who her parents were. She was found abandoned and grew up in a Nari Niketan. She describes the work she does today as “the lord’s work”.

Asked if she ever faced any mistreatment in the Nari Niketan where she grew up, she smiles and says: “I will never allow my daughters to work as maids anywhere.”

The most essential part of this home is that the children are aware of the fact that their real parents have abandoned them because they are obsessed with boys. But this poisonous truth has only strengthened their resolve to prove themselves. Sheeba, who studies in a convent school in Mussoorie, wants to be a successful neurosurgeon.

“I want my real mother to know that the daughter she threw out of her life is well established. I want to be very famous. I want to prove to her that girls are not a burden,” she says. Sheeba has always stood first in her class with A-plus grades. She is determined to make it to a good medical college.

Lucy is 19 years old. She wants to be a professor of English. “I believe that education is the only way forward in this society which discriminates against girl children,” she says.

Punjab has one of India’s most skewed sex ratios. The percentage of women in the state’s population keeps dipping every year. A growing shortage of marriageable girls has forced men here to find partners in different cultures and states.

“When French President Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni came to India, they prayed for a boy. I was shocked. I used to think that Westerners treat both genders equally. He could have asked for a girl. It would have sent out a message to the people of India. It’s rather sad,” says Prakash Kaur. The French first couple prayed for a son at the Fatehpur Sikri dargah of Sufi saint Salim Chishti.

Female foeticide is on the rise, especially among the educated class and in higher strata of society. It has assumed alarming proportions. According to NGOs working with issues related to women, every year, 10 lakh cases of female foeticide take place in the country with the help of gender determination tests. The death of young girls in India exceed those of young boys by over 300,000 each year and every 6th infant death is specifically due to gender discrimination.

According to Anjalee Shenoy of Sama Resource Centre for Women and Health, new techniques like PGD (pre-implant genetic diagnosis), a method that involves producing embryos through IVF, cannot just help you decide the gender of the child but the colour of skin and hair. And there is no effective law in place right now to stop this practice. “This falls under the Pre-conception and Pre-natal Diagnostic Techniques (Prohibition of Sex Selection) Act, 1994, but it is going undetected,” says Shenoy.

But there is hope yet. If only Prakash Kaur’s selfless spirit would rub off on society at large.

Amid all the depressing news we have been receiving on the deplorable situation of the girl child in India, especially from the northern patriarchal states of Haryana, Punjab and Uttar Pradesh, here are a few stories that give us hope. These are women, and also some men, who have adopted and cared for abandoned little girls despite their own dire conditions, and many times against the wishes of their family. This is courage and compassion in its purest form.

It was a cool and quiet afternoon in October 2010. Nirmala was walking back from the Community Health Centre (CHC) in Savansa, a small village in Maharajganj block, Jaunpur district of Uttar Pradesh (UP). Her mother was working at the health centre as a ‘dai’, or trained midwife, and she had gone there to meet her. That’s when she heard a strange mewling sound.

Nirmala narrated the story, “It sounded like a baby was crying, but I looked around and there was no one around. Then I discovered that the sound was emanating from the storeroom of the health centre.” The room was not in use, its window panes were broken and there was a lot of rubbish strewn around.

Continued Nirmala, “I opened the door and what I saw made me shriek. A newborn baby was lying on the pieces of broken glass wrapped in a torn vest. The baby must have been crying for a long while – its face had a bluish tinge, and its mouth was parched.” Even as she recalled this, tears roll down her cheeks. This incident changed her life.

The first thing Nirmala did was to pick the baby up and breastfeed her. She was able to do this because she had only recently stopped feeding her six month old daughter. She then tried to find out whose daughter this was, lying so helplessly amidst the debris of an abandoned room. She went to the nearby hospital to try and locate the real parents, but no one could give her any information.

Eventually, Nirmala brought the baby home and had her treated at a private nursing home in the city since there was no facility for proper childcare at Savansa. That was when she came against a huge challenge. She already had three sons and a daughter. Her husband and his family could not tolerate the thought of having another girl child in the family. This led to a serious disagreement between Nirmala and her husband, and before long she found herself thrown out of her matrimonial home along with the children.

Nirmala, and her brood of five, found shelter in her parents’ house. Endowed with a sense of self respect, she decided to work as a labourer to support the now much extended family. Finances ran low. She and her brothers together earned less than Rs 6,000 every month – hardly enough to support a family of 15. Yet, fortunately for Nirmala, her parental family had no problems with welcoming its new member. The child, now named Ankita, is today a much loved member of the household.

Nirmala was one of several courageous women of the state to have fought with her own relatives to save the life of a baby girl. The social action group, ActionAid, which has been working on the issue of India’s skewed sex ratio through its campaign, ‘Himmat Hai Jine Ki’ (Courage to Live), honoured her – along with 14 other women and two men, who have, despite their desperately poor personal circumstances, adopted girl children abandoned by their biological parents.

The honours list included Sunita Yadav from Hisaba village of Baghpat district, who had brought home a five year old girl whom she found begging on a village pathway. Named Puja, she is studying in Class Five in a private school today. Then there was Rekha, 45, a midwife from Chitrakoot district, who despite being a mother to seven children and a grandmother to three, adopted an infant girl abandoned at the hospital by an unwed mother. “Since the mother was not married she asked me to kill the child. I couldn’t do that, so I took responsibility for that innocent life,” said Rekha simply. She named her child Pari, or fairy. Rekha’s husband is a rickshaw puller. Fortunately, he did not object to his wife’s action.

Another woman honoured by ActionAid was Shivkumari, from Kuthound block of Jalaun district. She comes from a fisher community and has personally influenced 13 women from seeking sex selective abortions under family pressure.

These illiterate, marginalised women and men have shown their ability to understand the basic principle of gender equality in a predominantly patriarchal society like that of northern Indian, where son preference is the norm. According to the latest Census figure, UP’s child sex ratio stands at 899 girls for 1000 boys, which is much lower than the national average of 914/1000, a figure that is itself disturbing.

According to Debabrata Patra, Regional Manager, ActionAid Lucknow, what was alarming was that this decline was no longer confined to the districts closer to Delhi and Haryana. Said Patra, “It is widespread across the state. It cuts across all classes and rural-urban divides.” This despite the Pre-Natal Diagnostic Technique (Regulation and Prevention of Misuse), or PCPNDT, Act, which criminalises sex selective abortions.

Vatsalya, a Lucknow-based organisation, which has been relentlessly working on curbing sex selective abortions, analysed the data from the 2001 and 2011 Census to estimate the number of missing girl children. Said Dr Neelam Singh, Chief Functionary, Vatsalya, “Going by the statistics, over 700,000 girls are missing between 2005 and 2011. This means that at the national level, more than 100,000 girls go missing every year, which means more than 10,000 every month and over 300 every day!” She reiterated the need to implement urgently the PCPNDT Act in letter and spirit, even as efforts to change mindsets carry on apace.

But clearly there was something to be learnt from the actions and responses of the 15 women who went against the grain and demonstrated to their community, and the world, the value of the life of the girl child. Joanna Kerr, International CEO, ActionAid, who was present when Nirmala and three others were being honoured, put it this way, “I praise, respect and salute these women who have saved so many lives.”

She went on to narrate her own story, “In 1966, my mother was pregnant with her third child. She already had two daughters and was keen to have a son. I was already named Andrew. Since there was no technology at that time to determine the sex of the child, I was allowed to live. If my mother had not allowed me to be born I wouldn’t have been able to meet so many courageous women today. In the same way, there are so many prime ministers, engineers, doctors, scientists, who are not with us today only because they were not allowed to be born.”

Today we bring you a unique story. A story of two people with exemplary courage, spirit and ideals. A story that shows, more than any Bollywood movie can, that true love has a higher purpose. That marriages can achieve a lot. Even more surprisingly, what mere weddings can achieve a lot! So read, learn and be amazed.

I was thinking that morning – this is one wedding that I want to attend, that I would cherish attending, where I would delight in giving the wedding gift.
I don’t enjoy weddings. I am not into competitive dressing, competitive jewelry showcasing, latest gossip, or assessing if the bride and groom are a ‘match made in heaven’.

But this wedding, the wedding of Thilak and Dhana on June 1st 2012 was different. It was a wedding that ‘made a difference’. How?

1. The wedding reception was a fundraiser for an education fund for underprivileged children. No box gifts were allowed; only donations to the fund.
2. The children from 8 homes in Chennai were invited to the wedding reception. They joined in the celebration just as the rest of us.
3. The bride did not wear any silk clothes or expensive ornaments and the wedding followed a much-researched simple ritual attended by close relatives.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet it is so hard to actually execute! How does a bride tell her family that she does not want to get dressed up and that she wants to marry so that she can adopt? And that the groom wants to pay for the reception from his own pocket – not his parents’ or in-laws’? And that he says No to gifts? Thilak and Dhana waited almost 2 years to convince their family to do just that!

No, Dhana and Thilak were not in love when they first thought of marriage. You see, both of them are uncommon, a little odd. Dhana had been avoiding marriage, for her passion lay with animals and social work. Thilak had decided he would not marry for he was convinced that he could not find a companion who would share his social passion, his adventurous spirit, and his quiet spirituality. But Gods smiled at these two wonderful individuals and brought them together in a way that is so apt!

A little baby girl called Theresa played cupid in this couple’s life. Who is Theresa? She was a non-affected six-month old girl abandoned by her teen-aged HIV+ve mother. She first triggered motherly love in Dhana’s heart. Then Dhana proposed to Thilak, a friend then, to marry her so that she could adopt the baby. Adoption homes try to find parents before the baby turns one year as children find it difficult to adjust to new homes as they grow up. Dhana could not convince her folks in time and Theresa was adopted by another set of loving parents. But the wedding fundraiser in June was in the name of Theresa Educational Fund commemorating the love that brought these two beautiful individuals together.

I have known Thilak for sometime now. I first ran into him at the India Against Corruption movement and thereafter discovered that Thilak had dedicated his life to the welfare of the underprivileged children. He is the co-founder of Sevai Karangal along with Nandan, which monitors and supports eight Children’s homes in the city of Chennai. The organization works with a difference: They don’t just donate. Rather, they ensure people engage with the homes and the children. The monthly social treks conducted by Chennai Trekking Club take Chennaiites to celebrate their birthdays at the Children’s homes or take the children out on joyful treks.

Thilak insists that what children need is attention and love more than anything else – a sense of familiarity, a joy. He raises funds for infrastructure – he had a block built at one of the homes when he noticed the rooms were cramped for the kids. He organized for water filters after he tested the water in a couple of the homes. He raises funds for their school books and stationery and uniforms. He raises funds for their education. He, along with other volunteers, organizes Diwali events at the homes. He also supports an Old Age home. Till date he has channelized close to Rs. 7 lacs to the various homes in about 4 years.

And he monitors closely if the money is being utilized effectively, if the children are being taken care of properly. I remember once I was travelling with him to a meeting, when he asked if I would accompany him to a surprise visit at a home nearby. We bought some goodies for the kids and dropped in. Thilak later explained that these sudden visits help him gauge the real situation and also keeps the pressure on caretakers at the homes.

Besides engagement and funding, the organization has set-up a mentorship project called Navigator, akin to the Big Brother Big Sister program in United States and workshops to improve creative skills in the children.

No, Thilak is not from any rich family. The poor guy shuffles his time between work and passion so that he can sustain himself as well as provide for his passion. Dhana is not a rich girl either. She is rich in her heart.

As these two ordinary citizens of our country took those seven steps to bind themselves in matrimony, they did more than that – they set an example for others to follow, they gave meaning to the structure called marriage, they brought hope in the lives of so many children, they brought faith back to cynical hearts. We salute their spirit and their ideals.

Take a moment to meet Shibumon and Elizabeth – a couple who have come a long, long way from their home in Kerala to live among a marginalized community of snake charmers in the outskirts of Delhi, so that they can give the children there a chance at life! Read a story that will take your breath away and restore your faith in humanity!

Let me introduce you to Blessy, she is the sixth ‘child’ of Shibumon & Elizabeth, and sister to Blesson and ‘Blessy’ (the couple’s biological kids) and Pooja, Reetu and Reshma. Till a few days back, she was just another slum kid, abandoned by her mother even before she started speaking and kicked out of her home (if you call it so) by her relatives. Her father, a truck driver, who is rarely at home, could do nothing but witness this with teary eyes. A seven-year old kid, with dreams which she never thought would ever realize..she is Blessy.

I request you to take a moment and think about your childhood and that of Blessy’s. She is another normal kid who passed through abnormal circumstances. Today, Shibumon and Elizabeth are trying to provide her with a life and help her realize her simple dream to live.

The hero and heroine of my post is this young couple. You can read about them here: The team behind Bharat Seva Samity – and their efforts to change the lives of the kids in Mandi gaon (on the border of Delhi & Gurgaon). Honestly, I don’t find myself eligible to speak about them.

When a good friend, a college senior and a serial entrepreneur, Vivek Jhorar, first asked me to join him to Mandi gaon – all i thought was about my negative bank balance and the amount i could donate to another NGO. But, hearing about this couple’s 13 odd year struggle to educate the kids of Sapera Basti (i prefer to call it Mandi gaon) was an eye-opener.

With a ‘more than enough’ five digit salary, i often cursed myself for the career blunders i made in my life. And here, Shibu and Elizabeth are sitting in their modest one-bedroom home in Mandi gaon, telling me about their dreams to bring change in the lives of these kids, kids who otherwise would end up doing menial works or maybe, become anti-social elements. Shibu jokingly tells, “I can only follow Madam’s (Elizabeth) order” and laughs.

I looked at the kids and they reminded me of an orphan who once asked me about my family and asked me to explain how my parents love me. He was sitting on the wall of an orphanage staring at mothers walking their kids, back home from school. I was a kid then and i cried while cycling back home. That day at Mandi gaon, i was a 27 year old and I silently wept while driving back home.

My learned friends speak about change, blame the system, call Delhi a rape capital..while having their share of imported alcohol, in an AC room. Today, snake lovers are asking the folks of Sapera Basti (meaning: the basti or slum of Snake Charmers) to stop doing the only job they know. They want to protect snakes, and i hope they do – but they should also spare a thought for how folks in this slum will survive, including the kids.

And, here is a couple who left behind everything and everyone they have, traveled kilometers and days (it still takes almost 3 days to reach Delhi from Kerala), to ‘act’ for a change. I often wonder why Shibu wants to do this. He could pack his bags and move back to his parents’ house any day. It is his parents who support him and his cause, financially.

But Shibu wants to stay and be the change catalyst. His short term and long term goal is to find the right education for the other 42 kids whom he and his wife teach from their one room school (you can call it a shack) in Sapera Basti. Unlike the criticizing lot from my social circle and the wildlife activists trying to stop the slum-dwellers from performing the only job they know, Shibu and his wife wants to cultivate a young generation of civilized kids.

Every day, he struggles to meet the financial needs of his family and his mission. Every day he tries to educate the elders of Sapera Basti to take up a new and noble profession. Every day, he does what he and his wife have been doing for the past 13 years..to bring change in others’ lives. To spread colours in otherwise dark minds.

I am lucky that i had to travel only a few kilometres from where i dwell, few thousand kilometres from where i was born, to meet a couple who deserves a salute more than most people i have known in my life.

We have seen many a Bollywood film where a helpless mother leaves her crying infant outside a home or religious institution and vanishes into thin air. While those infants usually grow up to be Amitabh Bachchan, have you ever wondered if this happens in real life? And what happens to those unfortunate children left abandoned? Here we tell you about ‘Palna’, and its parent organization Delhi Council for Child Welfare, which has been taking care of such children from over six decades!

[dropcap size=small]A[/dropcap]sha Dijkastra, 34, is a confident young lady. After completing her Masters in History of Education in Holland she is now an educational consultant organizing workshops for teachers doing Bachelor of Education in Holland. Today, Asha might be a Dutch national but she traces her roots back to Delhi, India, where she was born and abandoned. She was adopted by her current Dutch parents when she was barely 5 months old. She says: “Today, after 34 years, I still feel I belong to India because of my name.”

Asha was adopted from Palna, a home for the abandoned, homeless and destitute children run by the Delhi Council for Child Welfare (DCCW). Today she is a successful professional in Holland but says she has two homes – one at Palna and one in Holland. Recently, when she was in Palna she organized a small excursion to Pratapgad Farms and took around 30 children for a picnic there. She says: “Although I haven’t lived long in India, deep down I feel a very strong connection that Palna was once my home and still is. When I’m there I feel blessed with the unconditional love and spirituality among the people.” Apart from feeling close to the children at Palna she is also raising funds for Palna. So far she has sent about 130 euros besides clothes and toys.

Asha’s is not the only success story there are many such success stories from Palna that was established in 1978, and located in Qudsia Bagh, Old Delhi

Dr Sandhya Bhalla, CEO, DCCW says that Palna is an outcome of their own learning from the past. She explains:

The forming of DCCW dates back to the time of partition when many children got lost or misplaced during the riots. The families living along the Civil Lines used to take care of these children. They did all that was required for these children. In 1952, DCCW was established as an NGO.

Then DCCW used to run a daycare centre for the Government called ‘Palna’. We used to work with various agencies and through this day care centre adoptions used to take place. Later the Government came up with a regulation to have a license for placing children in adoption. Today, we precisely have one home with a ‘Palna’ or cradle outside and we do not have any branches across Delhi for Palna.

Palna is a haven of peace, security and stability for the children who come here. Today on an average Palna looks after 90-100 children daily ranging in the age group of newborns to 8-year-olds.

The emphasis in Palna is on total care. Palna’s multi-specialty medical programme, non-formal educational sessions and recreational facilities and activities, address all aspects of children’s development, good health and overall well-being.

The Adoption programme in Palna started in 1978. Says Dr. Bhalla:

We at DCCW believe that a child does not belong in an institution, but in a family. The first effort is to trace the family and restore the child to its birth parents. When it is established that the child is abandoned or has not been claimed by its family, all efforts are made to place it in adoption.

On an average DCCW gives away 50 children in adoption annually within India and abroad. Over the last three decades the organization has placed over 2800 children in loving families, selected after rigorous screening and evaluation procedures.

Once the cradle or Palna as they call it was kept out, DCCW officials also realized that a lot of parents left their disabled or mentally challenged child there. The number only kept increasing which then prompted DCCW to start Bal Chetna programme in 2002. Bal Chetna is DCCW’s Respite Home and Day-care facility for mentally challenged children. Apart from more children being abandoned at Palna, the other impetus to start Bal Chetna for mentally challenged children was surveys done by DCCW’s crèche workers in the neighbourhoods in which they worked indicating that there was a high proportion of children with mental disabilities who were not getting the attention they needed.

An increasing number of children with cerebral palsy and children with multiple disabilities had started to come to the Orthopaedic Centre at Janakpuri for help and advice.

Today, Bal Chetna comprises residential facilities for homeless mentally challenged infants at Palna, as well as day care facilities for children from economically backward families at Janakpuri, New Seemapuri, Nithari and Sultanpuri in Delhi. Each centre has about 30 children. By providing individualized and specialized care, Bal Chetna facilitates the stimulation and development of special needs children, with the objective of making each child as self-reliant, competent and communicative as is possible.

DCCW has also been doing a lot in the educational area for children from the under-privileged families. They started an educational scholarship programme wherein they provide financial support to academically bright children from low-income families who would otherwise be forced to drop out of school due to economic constraints. Academically inclined children – including physically challenged children – from families whose monthly income is no more than Rs.4000/- are eligible for sponsorship under this programme. At present about a 1000 children receive the scholarship

Dr Bhalla says the impact of this programme has been positive with the result that it has kept the children back in school without any drop outs and secondly other children who are in the vicinity of these kids and find that they are capable of getting this scholarship are also coming forward for it.

Parents and children are both seeing value in this programme not just from being at school and excelling but also from an overall development point of view as they also get career counseling. Many of these children are doing well. Some have even got into Engineering and Medical colleges.

That’s not all. In order to impart skills to enable differently-abled children, school dropout girls as well as other children from low-income families to support themselves, DCCW started a Vocational Training programme in 1976. Through this programme they conduct training in cutting and tailoring, embroidey, painting and Beauty Courses. Informs Dr. Bhalla.

Our focus for this programme has largely been on girls in the age group of 15-18 years. To a large extent these girls are married off by their parents forcing them to drop out of schools. But, the impact of our programme has been positive with most of these girls now having a job in large beauty salons like Lakme or L’O real or having started something on their own.

It has also automatically deferred their marriage. The girls are more confident and have a sense of pride of being independent and earning for themselves and their family.

Sunita, is one such girl who has benefited from the vocational training programme. She came from a family who could barely dream of anything beyond one square meal. Sunita enrolled in DCCW’s Beauty Culture Training programme and is today running her very own beauty parlour ‘Madhu Beauty Parlour’ in Dakshin Puri.

Similarly, there is Tarannum. She belongs to a family of seven and her father is the only earning member. She came to DCCW to take a course in cutting and tailoring and now takes sewing orders from the community around her and brings in Rs. 2000 to 2500 every month. Tarannum is now dreaming big of becoming an entrepreneur, with her own shop and staff.

Currently, there are about 400 youngsters from across Delhi who register with DCCW for the vocational training programme. Bhalla and her staff are now looking to add other courses in the areas of cooking and baking.

With a mission to provide every child with a childhood and have a society where all children have all that is rightfully theirs and every opportunity to realize their potential, over the decades, DCCW’s programmes have grown and diversified to cover medical services, nutrition, vocational training, adoption, rehabilitation of physically and mentally children and the provision of day care and non-formal education to the underprivileged children of Delhi and the surrounding areas. Today, these services reach approximately 2500 children daily and are provided virtually free of cost to them.

While all these programmes are being run successfully with a staff strength of over 70 individuals, many of whom who have been with DCCW for almost two decades or more, Dr Bhalla says that they are still faced with challenges. Says Dr. Bhalla:

Our biggest challenge is that of finances. Cost of services is rising. We are thankful to our staff who have been with us for so long despite these challenges. They are with us because of our ethics and philosophy.

Running an NGO is a challenge in this country and the biggest challenge is that of raising funds and maintaining transparency. DCCW’s Bhalla says they have no issues with transparency as everything is accounted for in the books. And, according to her, it’s this working philosophy that has kept her staff here for so long despite the low salaries.

DCCW’s idea is to now build a huge corpus so that they can provide the best for their children and also take care of their staff. Towards this effort, since March 2013, DCCW has been listed on GiveIndia as a Tier1 organisation after a rigorous audit and verification process. Dr. Bhalla explains:

The partnership with GiveIndia has specifically helped us to reach out to individual donors across the world who would otherwise not have known about DCCW and the various programs undertaken and the number of children reached out to and the impact on the beneficiaries. It also helps to immediately establish our credibility when we approach corporates for support.

Going forward, Dr Bhalla and the DCCW council members are clear that irrespective of the challenges, the effort will be towards making DCCW self-sustaining. We wish DCCW the very best in their efforts and hope that many more less-privileged children realise their dreams through them.

A man in Meerut has adopted 12 boys, all of them HIV positive. He is leaving no stone unturned in giving them the happy childhood they deserve, devoid of discrimination. Read more to know how he does it and what made him do so.

At a time when AIDS awareness campaigns are rampant in our country, many HIV affected kids still stay deserted. These kids are abandoned by their relatives after the death of their parents, who too had been HIV positive.

12 such boys aged between the ages of 7 and 17, have been blessed to have found a father in Ajay Sharma of Meerut.

Ajay Sharma was working at Government Inter College, Phalawada. In 2004, he suffered a brain hemorrhage and was in coma for 15 days. After recovering from his illness, he felt he had been given a new lease of life and decided to lead this new phase dedicating himself selflessly to society.

In 2008, he got to know about an HIV positive orphan boy whose relatives killed him, packed his body in a suitcase and abandoned it on a train.

This heart wrenching incident instilled in Ajay a passion to work for such children. He quit his job and started teaching the slum children instead. In 2008, Sharma came across an HIV positive boy abandoned by his family who was on the verge of collapsing. Sharma took him to several hospitals but none was ready to admit him.

Finally, Sharma brought the boy home and took good care of him. The boy revived and got a home too. Ajay Sharma then founded the Satyakam Manav Seva Samiti (SMSS) in 2008 in Ganganagar locality of Meerut where such deserted boys are given a new home.

Aashish, aged 12, was brought to Satyakam one year back when he was showing symptoms of Tuberculosis, Low CD4 and others which an HIV positive individual shows. Today, as a result of the care he has received at SMSS, he attends school regularly and has the highest attendance in his class.

When you ring the door bell, a boy with a beaming face will come and greet you. He is one of the 12 such inhabitants of SMSS.

They are just as ‘normal’ as any of us. Mr. Ajay Sharma takes care of every boy just like a father and his wife Babita has been a continuous support to him. He looks after all their needs, from education and health care to recreation and toys.

The drive to this level has not been easy for Sharma. Initially, no one was ready to rent him a house. After great difficulties, when he finally got a house, the people in the locality posed several objections. They thought that such children would spread AIDS in the society and wanted them to leave the area. This also shows that people are still not fully aware of the fact that AIDS is not a communicable disease.

They didn’t allow their children to play with these boys. When Sharma approached schools for the admission of his sons, people objected again and didn’t want these boys to study with their children. The government too hasn’t offered any help to him.

But gradually, with the continuous efforts of Sharma, there has been a change in the attitude of the people towards him and his special family. People in the locality now happily celebrate birthdays with these children. Schools too are coming forward and offering admission to these boys.

Doctors in the neighborhood take care of the medical needs of these boys. Dr. Rajiv Prakash and Dr. Amit Pathak of the same locality opine that not only are these children very enthusiastic, they are also helping in eradicating the several prevalent myths about AIDS.

Neema Jain, a teacher of Adarsh Vidya Mandir, teaches them English, Hindi and Maths and feels that these kids are very bright too. Lokesh Sharma, who is a government employee, has been training these boys in yoga for their physical and mental well-being. Several organizations are also now extending help to SMSS.

The kids too have been given several responsibilities which also gives them a sense of attachment to the place. While one boy is responsible for welcoming the guests, another is responsible for keeping shoes in the rack.

Sadly, the fear of death and an abominable lull sometimes surrounds this otherwise chirpy home.

“One of the boys is in the second stage of the disease,” a teary eyed Ajay Sharma says.

Watch the video to know more-

Ajay Sharma’s spirit is undying. He is optimistic and hopes to increase his family. He wants to buy a bigger house where he can give shelter to 50 such children.

You too can help in this noble cause by making a donation, sponsoring a child or by simply volunteering for SMSS. For more details, visit their website. You can also visit their Facebook page or follow them on Twitter.

Like this story? Or have something to share? Write to us: contact@thebetterindia.com, or connect with us on Facebook and Twitter (@thebetterindia)

Read how Rajeshwari Sharma traveled from being completely clueless to finally adopting a baby girl. With the never ending paper work, long wait lists and legal wrangles, adoption in India is not as easy as it looks. Here is all you need to know about what might be one of the most trying but ultimately fulfilling time of your life.

“Meet the PAPs,” exclaimed our friend while introducing us to other guests at a charity dinner event hosted at a luxury hotel in Bandra. Within seconds, the grey cells were doing multiple somersaults to decode this new term the ears had just registered.

Even before I could grasp what was going on, our right hands went through at least a dozen handshakes and congratulatory messages as my reaction went from startled, cringing to smiling shyly – all in the matter of a few minutes. At the first opportunity, I dragged this friend to a corner and demanded angrily to know what was PAPs? “Prospective adoptive parents, my dear,” she exclaimed with a wide grin and disappeared into the gathering.

Photo: heartofthematterseminars.wordpress.com

I nearly had a panic attack. We were still not sure if we wanted a baby at all – whether through adoption or biological means (the idea of adopting a child had just stemmed in our mind as the ‘cynical us’ did not want to add another soul to this big, bad, overpopulated world. It was one of those thoughts we keep having like wanting to live in the hills or do farming). And here we were, being introduced as PAPs!

My first thought was, what if we do not adopt? What if we decide to be childless? Will we be castigated by the very same people, who are venerating us right now?

Photo: CSA Facebook

The next half hour was all about meeting at least five proud adoptive parents (APs, pronounced as apps), including our hosts parents Shibani and Vipul Prashad Jain, who are adoptive parents themselves and founders of a group called Catalysts for Social Action (CSA), a Pune-based NGO that helps find homes for rural orphans; the grand dame behind the cause, Bharati Das Gupta, one of the co-founders of CSA and grandmother to Jain’s adopted children; and well-known choreographer and adoptive parent Sandeep Soparrkar, who also happens to be CSA’s brand ambassador.

The flurry of introductions, congratulatory messages, stories of joy of parenthood and advice became so unbearable at one point of time that I unmindfully picked a glass of red wine from a passing steward. The husband gave me one of his cross-eyed looks, which I completely ignored. A Ninja fight was going on in my head, and wine would bring truce. If I could, I would have got myself into a medicated coma.

With the promise of taking the stage in next year’s charity dinner (adoptive parents under the tutelage of Soparrkar perform a dance repertoire at the charity event every year), we finally left the love fest, much later than we had initially planned for.

Life as a PAP is not an easy one. And it only gets more confusing if you are not totally sure if you want to be a parent in the first place.

Photo: facenfacts.com

It is a bitter sweet time – rife with a lot of ifs and buts; introspection and more introspection, debate over preferred gender and the resulting charge of gender discrimination (later, during the course of adopting procedure, I was told by this agency in Nanded that our insistence for a baby girl is in a way discriminatory after we said no to an adoptable baby boy), multiple calls to social workers of adoption agency and friends who are adoptive parents, seeking the services of an adoption counsellor to counsel fuming parents (in my case, parents-in-law), whether to keep it private or share with friends and family as one would do for any life event and above all, dealing with adoption cynics and people in your lives, who equate parenthood with apocalypse.

There are warm, gooey moments, too. We were pleasantly surprised by the support coming in from unexpected quarters, complete strangers (adoptive parents) opening their homes and hearts to us.

At times like these, it feels like all humanity is indeed one big family.

Photo: indiannewsandtimes.com

All adoptions in India are required to follow the procedure for in-country or inter-country adoption set out by the Central Adoption Resource Agency (CARA), which operates as part of the Ministry of Social Justice and Empowerment, Government of India.

Related Read: DCCW: A Cradle of Hope for Abandoned, Physically or Mentally Challenged Children

Although adopting looks like a seemingly simple procedure, yet it is wrought with often long waits as you have to complete a mountain of paperwork, cool your heels at numerous government offices for proofs that you are capable of taking care of a child, get a home study report that evaluates the conduciveness of the home environment, and wait in a serpentine queue of parents registered with adoption agencies that will match you with your child.

The last bit may sound confounding as we have millions of orphans in our country. True, but the number of adoptable (legally free to be adopted) children is extremely less.

Photo: Asianews.it

It’s been close to two years since we started the adoption procedure. But thanks to CSA, we were able to meet a baby girl and boy at a CARA-recognized children’s home in Nanded in less than two months of registering with CSA.

We traveled to the children’s home and came face to face with the reality of homeless children. The entire experience at the home was so emotionally overwhelming that we came back dumbfounded and without being able to make any decision.

Things remained in a limbo for a very long time and we went back to living our carefree lives. We even justified in our heads that we are better off without a child.

Photo: heavenschildren.wordpress.com

However, in a recent turn of events, which is nothing short of a miracle, the parents-in-law took upon themselves the onus of bringing in an adopted grand-daughter. We are about to meet a baby girl again. Hopefully, this time we will graduate from being PAPs to parents (I don’t like the APs term. Parents are parents. Right?) and get introduced as “meet the parents”.

– Rajeshwari Sharma

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Thousands of orphaned children in India never find loving homes because the authorities take too long to declare them ‘free for adoption.’ Prabhavati Muthal, 79 years old and mother of two adopted orphans herself, has been fighting to get justice for these children all her life. We appeal to all our readers to support her by signing her petition.

“We are guilty of many errors and many faults, but our worst crime is abandoning the children, neglecting the fountain of life. Many of the things we need can wait. The child cannot. Right now is the time his bones are being formed, his blood is being made, and his senses are being developed. To him we cannot answer ‘tomorrow,’ his name is ‘today’.”

― Gabriela Mistral

“Aai tu Aai saarkhi nahi disat, Aaji sarkhi diste. Mala ‘Mummy Papa’ hawa aahe” 

(Mom you don’t look like a mom, you look like a grandma. I want my Mummy Papa!)

Mohini often used to say this to Prof. Prabhavati Muthal. Mohini was 5-years-old now and she had heard from her schoolmates that she had not come out of her mother’s womb but from a dirty sack, and because of that, her right arm was paralyzed.

Photo Credit: Tawheed Manzoor/Flickr

On November 30, 1996, Prof. Prabhavati Muthal had retired and was all set to relax for the rest of her life in Chandrapur, Maharashtra, after working for 35 years as a history professor. Her son was a well-known paediatrician at the local government hospital.

There was no orphanage in the town. Thus, unwanted and orphan (mostly newborn) babies landed in Dr. Muthal’s ward. Like all government hospital wards, this too was crowded. The nursing staff were always overloaded.

On March 30, 1997, a lady sarpanch from a nearby village brought a brutally battered newborn girl to Dr. Muthal. The baby was just 3 days old. She had been tied in a gunny bag and thrown in the garbage to die. Someone had found her and informed the sarpanch.

The girl was visibly injured. Her skull was fractured. Yet, for three days, the lady sarpanch had not provided her with any treatment nor had she informed the police. Consequently, the child became critically sick, developed a high fever and started convulsing.

Even then, the lady was reluctant to let the hospital keep the child and treat her. Dr. Muthal had to threaten her and force her to admit the child to the government hospital. On seeing how serious the child’s condition was, the lady sarpanch disappeared from the scene.

For weeks, the child hovered between life and death. One usually associates government staff with impersonal and callous behaviour, but the nurses at this government hospital rallied together to save the child. One of the sisters told Dr. Muthal: “God will not forgive us if we cannot save this child.”

Due to their untiring efforts, the child survived. But the prolonged battle for life had taken its toll. She was badly emaciated and cranky due to constant pain. She had major neurologic deficit, which left her right side paralysed. Feeding and cleaning her was an ordeal.

Prof. Prabhavati Muthal willingly took over this daunting task. With her selfless love and care, the child gradually improved. As she grew healthier, a beautiful face emerged. She looked so attractive that she was called ‘Mohini.’

Her story attracted a journalist’s attention and she became well known. Many people, including a doctor, came forward to adopt her. Suddenly, the lady sarpanch re-entered the scene and demanded custody of the child.

The custody of orphan children is decided by the JWB or Juvenile Welfare Board (the name for the Child Welfare Committee before the year 2000). To everybody’s surprise, the local JWB gave Mohini’s custody to the same sarpanch, ignoring better claimants and the lady’s past suspicious behaviour.

Alarmed, Prabhavati approached the Sessions Court. After a prolonged struggle lasting over 2 years, the Sessions Court finally overturned the JWB’s order.

Prabhavati then decided to establish an orphanage so that Mohini had a place to stay. The orphanage, called Kilbil (chirping of birds), is now 16 years old.

However, Mohini’s agony did not end here. The infuriated JWB avenged the situation by blocking her transfer to the orphanage for a year. Finally, her case was cleared by special order of the state government. The JWB continued to obstruct her rehabilitation. She was finally declared ‘free for adoption’ by the Session Court under section 7.3 of the Juvenile Justice Act after one more year.

‘Free For Adoption’ means that a child’s parents or guardians have relinquished their parental rights or have had them terminated in a court of law. Once this has occurred, a child is then ‘legally free’ to be adopted by another person or family member. Any orphan or abandoned or surrendered child, declared legally free for adoption by the Child Welfare Committee (CWC), is eligible for adoption.

“Most of the couples prefer small babies so that they can enjoy each milestone of the baby while growing up. If a child is not made ‘free for adoption’ soon, then mostly they don’t get adopted and lead an affectionless life,” says Prabhavati Muthal.

Unfortunately, in Mohini’s case too, all the prospective adoptive parents had given up by the time she became ‘free for adoption.’ No one was willing to wait for years and fight court battles just to adopt a physically impaired child.

When nobody came forward to adopt her for more than a year, Prabhavati decided to adopt Mohini herself and become a mother to a 4-year-old child at the age of 64.

Kilbil had now become the home of many abandoned children. Vasundhara (Vasu) was one of them. Just a few days old, Vasundhara was found in one of the movie theatres of Chandrapur. She did not have one ear. Every adoptive couple wanted a beautiful and flawless child and so did not adopt Vasu. It was Vasu’s 11th year in Kilbil. She was supposed to go to a remand house for juveniles once she became 12. Prabhavati couldn’t let this child go and so, once again, she took the legal guardianship of Vasundhara.

Vasu and Mohini are sisters with the same mother now!

At the time that Prabhavati was looking to adopt Mohini, the law required that to contest a case, you must be the ‘aggrieved party.’ This means you should be affected somehow by the case — it is only then that you have the ‘locus standi,’ that is, eligibility to participate in the judicial dispute.

Prabhavati had none, but she could participate in the dispute because lawmakers then (1986 version of the Juvenile Justice Act) had wisely put in Sec 7.3, which said:

“The powers conferred on the board or juvenile court by or under this act may also be exercised by the high court and the court of session, when the proceeding comes before them in appeal, revision or otherwise.” – Juvenile Justice Act 1986. Sec. 7.3 Chapter II

The word ‘otherwise’ opened the window for any conscientious citizen to seek redress from the Sessions Court purely on merit of the case, bypassing technicalities like ‘locus standi.’ The same clause also allowed the Sessions Court to declare Mohini ‘free for adoption.’

It is vital to keep this window open for the orphans, because they have no one to look after them. The orphanages that keep the children and the parents who adopt the children are really ‘beneficiaries’ and not truly ‘aggrieved.’ They have no real stake in any individual child.

The only victim of a wrong decision (or lack of decision) is the orphan child. The child is therefore, the only truly ‘aggrieved. ’

Picture for representation. Credit: J P Davidson/Flickr

Unfortunately, this Section was deleted only for orphan babies in the newer editions of the Act. The implications are tremendous for the orphan children, because now the CWC has absolute power over orphan children. There is no effective, accessible mechanism to correct its mistakes, misdeeds and inaction.

Please help Prabhavati make a representation to the government authorities to suitably amend the Juvenile Justice Act and include a clause like Sec. 7.3 of 1986 Juvenile Justice Act in the present Bill for orphan children by signing this petition.

Prabhavati has also penned the story of her struggle in a book titled Adhantari. This book has bagged an award from the Maharashtra government.

If you wish to help Prabhavati in her struggle for justice for these kids, or wish to donate for Kilbil, please email at kilbil.mvm@gmail.com. You can buy Adhantari (the book is in Marathi) by writing to the same email address. Prof. Muthal is also looking for writers who can translate the book into English.

Like this story? Or have something to share? Write to us: contact@thebetterindia.com, or connect with us on Facebook and Twitter (@thebetterindia).

While many states in India have an alarming sex ratio and a large number of girls are still being abandoned and killed, it indeed comes as good news that couples looking to adopt in India prefer girls over boys. Is it the winds of change? 

Couples in India prefer girls over boys. To many this statement may seem false or perhaps the wishful thinking of a gender rights champion. After all, doesn’t one keep reading about how rampant gender biased sex selection is in the country and that, at present, the child sex ratio – 914 girls per 1000 boys – is the lowest since independence.

Okay, so it may indeed be a strange paradox but though these figures don’t paint a great picture it is also a fact that when it comes to adoption increasingly couples want to bring home a baby girl even if it means waiting for as long as six years for her.

While a majority of those who go in for adoption don’t have any biological children of their own, today, there is a growing trend of couples with one child being keen on adopting a girl as their second one.

Take Bengaluru-based Saumya Vishwanathan and her husband, Ranjith, who decided to adopt a baby girl after their firstborn, a boy, turned three. Of course, the decision to adopt, says Vishwanathan, had been taken even before the duo started planning their family.

“I work in the social sector and am more than familiar with the biases that a girl child faces, especially in north India. The skewed sex ratio in states like Haryana and Punjab is proof enough of the deep-rooted prejudice. Maybe it is because of this that I felt a social responsibility and had the strong urge to adopt a baby girl,” shares Vishwanathan, who is in her late thirties.

When she got married to Ranjith and told him about her wish he was a little taken aback. But she was fully prepared for such a reaction and so she sat him down to talk about her reasons for wanting to adopt a girl. “When I told him why I wanted to adopt a girl, he understood where I was coming from and agreed wholeheartedly. At the same time, both of us also agreed that we wanted a biological child, too – I wanted to experience the whole journey from pregnancy to childbirth. So, Ayan came along first and then, three years later, Masoom, our daughter filled our home with joy and laughter,” she says with a wide smile.

Obviously, convincing their respective parents wasn’t all that simple. “But as soon as they saw Masoom, who was 10-months-old when we brought her home, they instantly fell in love with her. Even Ayan was more than thrilled and these days he is every bit the doting older brother,” she adds.

Unlike Saumya and Ranjith, for Meenakshi Padmanabhan and her husband, Rajiv, the decision to go in for adoption came when they were unable to conceive even after 15 years of marriage.

“We tried to have our own child but fate, I guess, had other plans in store for us,” says Meenakshi, 45. While friends and relatives suggested they try different assisted reproductive options, including surrogacy, it was a chance meeting with a couple who had adopted a baby girl that changed their minds.

“There was no looking back then. We decided to go for adoption and were very sure that we wanted a baby girl,” she says. “Girls are warm and empathetic; they always look after their family, even after marriage and in old age. Okay, maybe I am being biased here, but this is what we’ve seen and truly believe. Also, the chemistry that the couple, Sam and Maria, shared with their daughter was wonderful and we wanted the same kind of connection with ours.”

Padmanabhan and Vishwanathan’s recount of their reasons for going in for the adoption of a baby girl are quite common. “In fact, whether it’s because of the movies, social service advertisements, or the real life experiences being shared publicly, the mindsets are definitely changing not just towards the practice of adoption itself but to the idea of bringing home a girl child,” elaborates Anu J. Singh, a former member of the Central Adoption Resource Authority (CARA), an autonomous body under the Ministry of Women & Child Development (WCD), Government of India. The agency functions as the nodal body for adoption of children in India and is mandated to monitor and regulate in-country and inter-country adoptions.

In certain states there is a clear preference for girls. According to Mini Nair, a child counsellor and psychotherapist who works with several adoption agencies, “The preference for girl child adoption is especially higher in Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu [Chennai] and Karnataka [Bangalore]. In these places, the waiting period for a baby girl could run up to six years in some private adoption agencies. I know people who have looked elsewhere for adoption because of the long waiting time. However, if you go up north, in Haryana and Punjab, the trend evens out and the number of parents who want girls and boys is equal.”

As per the WCD Ministry, the official adoption numbers have been climbing steadily. Whereas in 2013-14, a total of 3,924 children were placed for adoption (in-country) of which 2,293 were girls and 1,631 were boys, in 2014-15, 2,300 girls were adopted in comparison to 1,688 boys. This year, between April and June, 518 girls and 298 boys have been placed for adoption.

It’s certainly good news that when it comes to adoption a greater number of girls are being placed into loving homes nowadays. Yet, at the same time, it does indicate that girls are still being abandoned and put up for adoption.

“This is why we were surprised when, after we gave our gender preference, we were told by the adoption agency that the wait would be long. I was under the impression that since so many girls are deserted in our country, it would take less time,” Padmanabhan remarks.

Although her reasoning is not wrong the reality is that the adoption process in India is a long-drawn and exhaustive one, and prospective parents are often faced with innumerable hurdles in the form of inordinate delays and complicated paperwork. Fortunately, the WCD Ministry is working towards changing all that. Says Women and Child Development Minister, Maneka Gandhi, “People have to wait for up to three to four years to adopt. That is inexcusable. I want to overhaul the system so that it doesn’t take more than four months.”

Gandhi has announced a target of 15,000 adoptions for the government-run agencies this year. And to make this possible a set of reforms have been proposed. Apart from simplifying the rules and shedding excessive bureaucratic caution, there is a move to set up an online application tracking system and launch a new foster-care programme as well. She hopes that the new guidelines governing adoption will “speed up the process and make the system more transparent”.

With more than 50,000 orphans in the country in need of a secure home, Gandhi says, “There will be zero tolerance for those agencies that delay the process of adoption or report unavailability of children.” Incidentally, there are 403 government-recognised adoption agencies in India. With new rules and a new, more progressive way of thinking, hundreds of unwanted children, especially girls, will hopefully get doting parents like the Padmanabhans.

Like this story? Or have something to share? Write to us: contact@thebetterindia.com, or connect with us on Facebook and Twitter (@thebetterindia).

Every time our readers like and share TBI stories they are not just spreading positivity and hope, they are also creating an impact that may not at first be visible. Here’s one such story, of a young adoptive parent to a special child, which went viral and created ripples greater than we had imagined.

On January 1, 2016, Aditya Tiwari became the youngest single adoptive parent in India by legally adopting a special child Binny. He named him Avnish.

Aditya fought a 2-year-long battle against the system and society to become a single father.

On January 12, 2016, we wrote about ‘How Aditya Fought All Odds to Become India’s Youngest Single Parent to Adopt a Special Child’ and, like always, our readers helped us spread this positive story like wildfire. The article got lakhs of views and 33,000+ shares too (so far).

Avnish turned two on March 16, 2016. On this occasion, his father Aditya could not thank you all more for the huge impact you created simply by clicking ‘share’ on his story.

Here are some of the things that have happened in his life since the story was published on TBI:

1. Parents of children with Down’s Syndrome reached out to him for inspiration and help.

This was a message from a single father to Aditya after reading the story:

Aditya received loads of calls from parents who thought life had been unfair to them by giving them children with Down’s Syndrome. But here was a young single man who adopted a child with Down’s Syndrome and told the world it was a blessing for him.

“Parents of children with Down’s Syndrome called me from almost every part of the country and told me how my step has given strength to them,” says Aditya.

2. Aditya benefitted too. NGOs and physiotherapists reached out to support him.

The NGOs that had special kids helped him learn more about the disability and ways to deal with it, whereas many physiotherapists offered to treat Avnish for free.

“Ms. Rekha Ramchandran from Down Syndrome Federation of India called me after reading your article. Since then she is supporting me in any way possible to nurture Avnish,” Aditya informed The Better India.

3. The legal struggle and victories inspired many citizens.

In our previous article we had explained how Aditya had to fight a legal battle because the age bar for single adoptive parents in India was 30 and he was just 27 when he decided to adopt Avnish. He kept fighting the system until the age limit was reduced to 25.

“Atul Vidyalaya, Valsad, Gujarat, invited me as a chief guest on January 26, 2016. I was surprised by this and asked them why I was selected, as I had done nothing other than just adopting a child. The Principal replied that it was not just an adoption but it was a trend-setting decision and the struggle behind it makes me a hero. He said he would like the children of his school to become like me. That was the biggest compliment I could ever get,” says Aditya.

4. Thirty other children like Avnish, who were at the same orphanage as him, were also impacted.

During his struggle to adopt Avnish, Aditya came to know about 30 other kids who were illegally being sent to foreign countries. The adoption agency was reported and its licence was cancelled.

These 30 kids are legally registered now and a few of them have also been adopted.

5. HIV positive children will also have a home now.

After word spread, an NGO called Palawi from Pandharpur, Maharashtra, which had 98 HIV positive children, called Aditya. They told him these kids were not allowed to go to regular schools and were not accepted by society either, so the NGO had an in-house school and orphanage for them. However, these kids also long to have families but the NGO does not have permission to give them for adoption. Aditya, who is well-versed with adoption proceedings and laws by now, asked them to send all the documents immediately. He then forwarded them to CARA and the Central Government. Aditya is now fighting for the rights of these kids.

“It used to be that previously, if a child was born to an HIV positive mother, he/she used to be infected too. But now, with proper medication and good care, these babies become negative within 18 months. There are many parents who are ready to adopt these kids but we do not have the permission to give them for adoption. Being in a remote area, we explained our concern to the local authorities but did not know any other further procedures. My mother read the article about the legal battle that Aditya Ji fought for Avnish. So we called him to seek help. And he has been a great support since then,” says Dimple Ghadge of Palawi.

6. Law students got to learn a lot.

Aditya’s story became an interesting project for law students, who found an opportunity to learn about the adoption law through him. A few documentaries have already been made by law students on Aditya and Avnish – among these are two by LLM Pune University and Jai Hind College, Mumbai. Bhopal Jagran Lake City University is also making a film on them.

7. Foreign nationals sought help for adoption.

Aditya’s story reached foreign shores, and was also published in several magazines of UK and U.A.E, after which many foreign nationals called him to seek help with the adoption procedure in India. Aditya was more than happy to help them.

8. Aditya was the first man to be presented the ‘Real Life Hero’ award by his company, Barclays, on Women’s Day recently. Aditya takes pride in telling this to us.

9. Film makers have started contacting Aditya.

You might soon watch a film based on the life of Aditya and Avnish – a well-known Bollywood production house and a regional production house too have contacted him for the same.

10. The most wonderful impact.

Binny, who is Aditya’s son Avnish Tiwari now, has shown tremendous improvement since he became a part of Aditya’s family.

“I met the parents of a 10-year-old child with Down’s Syndrome before I adopted Avnish. They told me how difficult it is to raise such children. Avnish had 70-80% Down’s Syndrome. The doctors told me that he would never be able to walk in his life. But in just three months it seems his Down’s Syndrome is just 15-20%. He can hold and stand and tries to stand without support too sometimes. The parents of the 10-year-old child were surprised to see this and have invited me home to help them. My son has set an example for everyone,” says Aditya with a smile.

Like this story? Or have something to share? Write to us:contact@thebetterindia.com, or connect with us on Facebook and Twitter (@thebetterindia).

Petdom, an online dog adoption portal and app, has made adoption easier and less time consuming for prospective pet owners. With many dogs abandoned at shelters, the team at Petdom encourages adoption as opposed to buying.

If there’s an app for everything – from buying groceries online to finding plumbers – then it’s only logical that there’s an app to adopt a pet too. With the number of abandoned dogs that end up at shelters or with NGOs on the rise, it is becomingly increasingly difficult for these organisations to manage enough food and facilities. The solution is adoption.

The normal process of adoption is time consuming and cumbersome, sometimes driving away potential adopters. This is where Petdom steps in. Launched in January this year, it is a platform that brings together dog shelters and potential owners in a fool-proof setting. It takes the process of dog adoption online and on a mobile app, making it simple to find a nice home for a dog.

People can discover pets from the shelters near them, all with the click of a button.

For Udit Agarwal, who founded Petdom with Abhinav Tyagi, the idea resulted from his own experience when adopting a dog and watching others go through the same lengthy process. “There are no verified sources for finding pets and most of the pet classifieds are occupied by unethical breeders who breed dogs in very bad conditions,” he says, “Also, there are a million healthy pets in shelters waiting to find new homes. We want to enable people to easily find pets around them for adoption and then make the process really easy.”

His team, made up of pet-lovers with corporate and tech backgrounds, is tapping into the large want-to-adopt population in India.

According to Udit, adoption is still quite new and in its nascent stages in India. “Considering people bring home more than 100,000 dogs every year and the number is only increasing, adoption is going to be huge in India,” he says.

In fact, in just two months, the app has met with appreciable success, with more than a 1000 downloads.

“We’ve had a lot of people use our platform with more than a hundred adoption requests in the last 20 days,” he says, elated. “We’ve also had people from Tier B and Tier C cities use our platform. Every day, there is someone or the other in India who wants to adopt a pet. We have about 200+ unique visitors every day and these numbers are growing rapidly.”

With about 225 listings so far, Udit says at least 30 new ones are being added every day.

The Android app and its corresponding website have listings of many dogs and puppies that are up for adoption from shelters, NGOs and other pet owners across India.

“We work with animal organizations like People For Animals, Friendicoes and SPCA all over India,” says Udit. “After a user makes an adoption request on Petdom for a pet, he/she fills up a simple form with details about family and prior experience in having a pet, among other things. We get adopters to upload their house photos on our platform, because house checks are mandatory for a lot of pet parents.”

This information is then sent to the pet shelter organisation or the pet parents at the other end of the process. These shelters review the users and decide if they want to pursue their adoption requests.

Currently, the app and website use Facebook for login purposes to verify potential adopters and those putting up pets for adoption.

“The verifiability is ensured through their Facebook logins first and then the adoption form which asks for more specific details about their house, family, prior pet ownership, purpose of adoption, and the house photos for the shelter,” explains Udit. “This helps us weed out the bad adopters from the really interested ones and also alleviates the time-taking pet adoption process.”

Once the shelter or the pet owner accepts the profile of the user, the prospective adopter can go meet the pet. “It really depends on the adopter and the parent after that, to make multiple visits before the process is completed. We facilitate the process but the final call rests with the shelter,” he says.

“We counsel first time adopters and give them information about the entire pet parenting experience,” Udit says, introducing the concept of concierge services. This includes finding trainers, vets, and food for these pet owners. “Every pet owner has a unique relationship with his/her dog – some want guard dogs and others want them for companionship. We talk to these people and help them find what’s right for them and their pets.”

The team’s focus right now is only on dog adoption, simply because of the massive dog population in shelters in India.

Source: Facebook

“Our platform could support cats but we are deferring this right now until we can learn more about the entire process and make it even easier for the adopter and the parent,” he says.

The team works in a pet-friendly environment with a lot of stray dogs, and is headquartered in Delhi. It does not charge a single rupee for the use of the app or the website, keeping the process of adoption as welcoming and hassle-free as possible. “However, we do ask people for any donations that they’d like to share with us to keep the servers on and enable us to add more pets for adoption to Petdom,” Udit says.

Speaking of the dog breeds the team runs into most often, Udit says the Indian Pariah dog is ubiquitous in all the shelters. Then there are a lot Labradors, Pomeranians and Golden Retrievers too, many of whom end up injured or abandoned in shelters. “But it’s very hard to find Pugs, Rottweilers, and Dachshunds in shelters because their parents seldom abandon them,” he points out.

However, Udit speaks out for indigenous dogs, upset that most people in India don’t adopt what he calls ‘IndiDogs.’

Source: Wikimedia Commons

“People have their heart set on breeds for various reasons. It’s a huge problem because IndiDogs are very healthy, clean and lovely pets; they will love you as much as any breed dogs,” he explains. “It’s very important that we are able to get this fact across to our users as a lot of the puppies on Petdom are IndiPuppies.”

Other challenges include potential adopters who change their minds at the very last stage. And then there are pet shelters that are hesitant to try out an online platform for adoption.

Yet, the Petdom team is confident that dog adoption will pick up at a great pace once people are comfortable with it, virtually. “Petdom is seeing considerable usage in a very short time, which has also surprised us. We still have to reach out to more people and tell them there’s an easy way to adopt dogs rather than just buying them.”

Posted by Petdom on Wednesday, 20 January 2016

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Feeding dogs on the streets of Bengaluru, a corporate employee, 37-year-old Amee Mendez is a dog lover who has been looking out for man’s best friend with steely determination. She’s taking care of 44 rescued dogs in her Horamavu home in northeastern Bengaluru; she considers them her family.

Source: Facebook / Amee Mendez

Her journey started many years ago when she found an abandoned Pomeranian while she was headed to work. After asking around, she realized the dog was helpless and surviving on leftovers.

Mendez made her decision then; she decided to take care of the dog herself, unaware that this was a sign; it would lead to bigger things in the future.

“I could relate to her pain. I was also helpless after my grandmother died. I could see myself in her,” she told The New Indian Express. “I named her Betty.”

Source: Facebook / Amee Mendez

Mendez rescued another dog yesterday, offering shelter and a home to her four-legged friend. “I’ve always had a passion for animals,” she said, explaining that moving to the big city from Kerala, where she was raised, gave her a chance to find her niche.

Her parents are divorced and she lost her grandmother a few years ago. She found unconditional love with her pets and shared that she’d never planned to become an activist. Taking care of dogs feels natural; it’s something that was meant to happen.

Holding down a day job at Tesco hasn’t hindered her from continuing her quest to save dogs from the brutality of the streets. After work, every night, she steps out and offers food to the animals. She’s been soldiering on for eleven years, undeterred by obstacles such as irate neighbours who complained.

Source: Facebook / Amee Mendez

She usually takes care of the mothers and after ensuring the safety of the puppies gives them to other animal lovers looking to adopt. It’s harder to find people who want to adopt older dogs, there are a lot of pre-conceived notions.

Mendez has been forced to relocate to new apartments several times in different parts of the city. As the number of dogs under her care grew, complications arose. Finances became a major hurdle since Mendez essentially relied on her personal income to feed the dogs.

Today, she spends almost 60,000 rupees to make sure her pets are well-fed and healthy. Other animal lovers have also helped. A Good Samaritan she met on an animal forum acts as the dogs’ caretaker, looking after their safety.

Source: Facebook / Amee Mendez

Her love for animals has translated into a more responsible way of living; Mendez says she’s become more mature because of it. “I have changed as a person,” she added.

A campaign has been started on Milaap to help Amee Mendez raise funds for her beloved pets. If you would like to help out, please click here to donate towards building a home for Amee’s family.

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Single mothers of adopted daughters talk about their heartwarming journeys into motherhood and the changing definition of a family.

On the outside, Suja Warrier and Malini Parmar have a few obvious things in common: both are single and successful women living in Bengaluru, they have had long corporate careers, and are passionate environmentalists and waste warriors. But look more closely and you will see how they have not only taken the road less travelled in their professional lives, but also in their personal ones.

 Suja Warrier and Malini Parmar are both single mothers to adopted daughters.

Suja and Malini speak candidly about their heart-warming journeys into motherhood, and how it’s high time that our society goes beyond the conventional definition of a family.

How the Journey Began

Suja: In 2004, after the devastating tsunami, I travelled to Nagapattinam with a bunch of volunteers. We were there to help out with the relief work. While most of my colleagues left in a few days, I decided to stay back alone. Eventually, I found many other people like me. It’s there that I met some of the finest minds. Something about that experience changed me forever. It changed my perspective of how I related to myself and others in life.

Since then, while working with the corporates, I built my life around social projects – largely what I call volunteer driven, zero budget projects. Through this time, I lived alone. At some point I decided to sponsor a child for her education. I started doing that and in sometime felt like it was not enough. I wanted to adopt a child.

At that point, I knew this was a radical decision to take. Knowing that I came from a very traditional family, I knew I would not gather support from them. But yet, I had made up my mind and my journey towards motherhood began.

Malini: I was about 26 years old when I heard about Sushmita Sen adopting a daughter. And she was a single mother. I was very inspired by this. I thought it was a wonderful way to build a family. Around the same time I started to volunteer a lot with programs that were benefiting children. So I was always in the company of children. But yet, I couldn’t take the next step. I struggled with the thought of adoption, but until I thought I was doing it as a favour to someone else, I couldn’t proceed. As I started reading up about adoption, about being a single parent, I discovered that I wasn’t doing any favour.  Adoption was my need. And that is when my adoption journey began. 

Becoming a Mother

Suja: I must say that my adoption journey was not an easy one. For one, I was a single parent and the processes were not as streamlined as they are today. Also, I lived alone and I didn’t have much support from my family. Given the situation, the adoption agencies recommended that I support a child who already lives in an institute. But I had made up my mind; I wanted my child to be with me, in my home. Finally, I met Ms Usha Pilla who helped me with this process. She travelled with me to Lathur, Maharashtra and that’s where the search for my daughter began. From Lathur I went alone to Udgir. Aftre a sleepless night I reached Udgir , visited many adoption agencies and met several children. Many of these children were not even available for adoption because the legal processes were not complete. I found my daughter there. And I called her Ameya – the boundless one. After a tough journey of over 24 hours in buses and trains, Ameya and I walked into an empty house.

The first few weeks were tough on both of us. Ameya did not connect to her new name and she held on to me all the time, fearing that I would abandon her. On the first day, I had left the house just for a few minutes to fetch groceries from a nearby shop, and when I returned she was crying loudly.

“I realized how she had trusted me, almost completely, though I was a complete stranger to her. Sometime in between all this, I realized that I had become a mother,” says Suja.

Malini: I had been researching for three years; talking to my mother, sister, and friends, and preparing myself for the process of adoption. And then, in December 2008, I remember while meditating, I felt some one call out to me and say ‘Mama, come quickly’. I took that as a cue, and by April I registered for adoption.

I had decided to adopt a healthy sibling pair; girls between the ages of three and five. The agency said they had found a match and I left for Orissa. When I reached there I realized the children I came there to meet were already being adopted by someone else.  Initially, I was disappointed, but then I felt if they are my children they would come to me.

My daughters were the first children I saw and met at the agency. And I completely fell in love with them. I named them Tara and Lila. I spent over a week with them and the other children at the agency before bringing them home.

That’s when I realized that I had done a lot of research around adoption, especially single parent adoption, but had done none on parenting. I brought my daughters home in July 2009 and I stayed at home with them for 6 months.

“The initial days were tough, I had no idea about parenting, we spoke different languages, but we got through it pretty well,” says Malini.

Talking to the Children About Adoption

Malini: When I adopted my children, they were two and a half and four and a half years old. Every evening we would read stories and I would use fairy tales to introduce the concept of adoption. So it was revealed to them very gradually. Today, I see them as children who are open about their lives and in fact very comfortable with it.

Suja: I also started talking to Ameya quite early and introduced the topic gradually. Recently, there was a talk in class about adoption and Ameya came back from school and told me that she felt proud to be an adopted daughter. I think we underestimate our children. They are way more mature than us.

Breaking the Myths About Single Parent Adoption

1. You can only become a mother if you give birth

Malini: My children are born from me; they are born from my heart, not my womb. I feel a great connection with my children, and the fact that we are together as a family today is a part of the plan of the universe. We were meant to be together.

Suja: I feel a very strong connection with Ameya. We both are so tuned into each other that we know what the other is thinking and feeling. It’s indescribable this connection. Yes, she was born from my heart- and it didn’t take nine months, but three and a half years.

2. A family needs to have a father and a mother

Malini: I think the definition of family is changing as we speak. And we, as a society, need to accept this. We have had a history of joint families, but yet when we speak about urban families we consider it as a unit with father, mother and children. This is a very western concept. So when my children present their family tree it’s very different from the others – my mother is a part of it, so is my sister, and there are many others. So my children’s family trees always have many more members than their friends. And they are very happy and proud about that.

3. Adopted children come with bad genes

Malini: I don’t subscribe to this idea at all. But sometimes I feel my kids have got better genes than me. Tara is a born athlete, I can’t run to save my life. Lila is a gymnast; I probably have the most inflexible body. They both are very competitive and we are hoping that they reach the Olympics. With my genes, that wouldn’t happen.

Suja: Ameya is extremely creative and very talented. And she can already speak six languages. I agree. Ameya definitely has better genes that what I could have given her.

     4. Adopted children go back to their birth parents

Malini: I have not felt threatened by these thoughts. See, I believe that my children’s family will grow. They will build strong bonds with many people through their lives. And I am only going to be happy about that. I want them to love and be loved.

Also, we have agreed as a family that when Tara is 18 and Lila is 16 we will go back and try and find their biological parents.

Suja: Yes, Ameya once told me that she wanted to go back and find her biological mother. And I told her that when she grows up she can, and I will go back to look for her biological mother. This thought has never worried me. Ameya and I share a unique bond. That I know.

Listen to the complete interview here:

https://soundcloud.com/radioactivecr90-4mhz/born-from-the-heart-single-mothers-speak-about-their-adoption-journeys

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